What? Huh?

Giving it to you straight today…

Don’t act like you didn’t know your actions were wrong. Don’t pretend you didn’t realize putting brown shoe polish on your face might be a poor choice. Don’t feign ignorance of cultural misappropriation when you select to paint yourself in your patronizing, disrespectful, lame interpretation of a person of color. You know EXACTLY what you’re doing.


You were so bold to show these behaviors amongst approving peers, why not be bold now and tell the truth? We might see a shred of integrity.

I’ve witnessed you seek out like minded people, slipping your racist and bigoted opinions into regular conversation to test the waters. You’ve tried it on me. I look like I might be a willing participant. You must try it and see who can be trusted.

Actual conversation I had with a subordinate my first week in a new workplace:

Them: I have weebees in my neighborhood

Me: What’s a weebee?

Them: You know. Black people. We be goin to the liquor store. We be stealing your tv.

Me: That’s some of the most fucking ignorant shit I’ve ever heard. Do not ever communicate with me again except to provide me with the information I request from you.

Them: I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

Me: Apology not accepted.


You know what you’re doing. You’re constantly looking for allies so your behavior is somehow justified and sadly, you find them.

The excuses you give are sometimes more insulting than the act itself.

Virginia Governor: I put shoe polish on my face because I wanted to pay homage to Michael Jackson. I love him.

Prada: We didn’t know an accessory we created depicting a black monkey with giant red lips would be considered offensive.

Dolce & Gabbana: We had no idea that sending Blackamoor earrings down the runway or making videos depicting Chinese models trying to eat cannoli with chop sticks was unacceptable.

Princess of Kent: I never thought wearing a Blackamoor brooch to meet Meghan Markle might be in poor taste.

Newsanchor and Weatherman: I didn’t mean to say Martin Luther Coon King, Jr.  It was a slip of the tongue. I’m not racist.

Rosanne: I know I said if the Muslim Brotherhood and Planet of the Apes had a baby, it would be Valerie Jarrett, but I was high on Ambien.

Hulk Hogan: I said I’m a racist when it comes to my daughter fucking niggers, but I didn’t mean it. That’s just protective dad talk.

At the Oscars: It was an accident to say Zendaya probably smelled like patchouli oil and weed because she was wearing dreadlocks. We meant we like that smell. It was taken out of context.

Mel Gibson: I know I said Jews were responsible for all the wars in the world, but in my defense, I was really drunk. 

 I have some advice to anyone who would like to impersonate Michael Jackson. The glove and hat are a dead giveaway. Blackface isn’t homage, it’s mockery.

Prada and Gucci, show me a species of monkey that has giant red lips. I’ve seen monkeys with big red asses. Why don’t you make an accessory or sweater of that?

Also, I’ve never accidentally called someone nigger or coon and I’ve never posed in a photo with a klansman or nazi (real or fake). Truth be told, neither has anyone else (accidentally, that is).

The feigning ignorance jig is up, folks. You did it. You knew it was unacceptable behavior, but you did it anyway. You got caught and that’s why you’re apologizing. As I said to that trailer trash secretary (yes, she worked in a trailer and was a garbage individual), apology not accepted.