“I’m looking for a man to love me, like I never been loved before. I’m looking for a man who will do it anywhere, even on a limousine floor.” You know you sang it, but did you do it? The answer is, probably not. If you did, you were skanky way before Vanity 6.

Are we really so adversely affected by song lyrics? I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest not. If you have the opportunity, sit down and take a listen (if you can stomach it) to some of the songs on your kids’ playlist. Here’s one for the ages:

After we go to the bathroom, can we go smoke a cigarette?
I really need one
But first, LET ME TAKE A SELFIE

How about these words of wisdom:
Turn down for what Turn down for what Turn down for what
Turn down for what Ball and Out

In the scheme of things, I don’t really pay too much attention to what my daughters are listening to. I realize that there are song lyrics that are raunchy and even downright nasty, but I’m pretty sure these do not illicit a desire for my girls to drop everything and get busy.

Yesterday, I sat down with my daughters to probe this burning question: Will you be surfboarding instead of attending class today?
After a rousing chorus of “Maaaahm! That’s disgusting”, I was determined to get to the bottom of this. As it turns out, my kids are not taking direction from Mr. & Mrs. Carter’s inebriated exploits. In fact, they don’t pay a lot of attention to the words but seem to concentrate on the beat.

This. Is. Shocking.

My oldest even went as far as to explain that she will not be wearing gold teeth, drinking grey goose or tripping in a bathroom or driving a Cadillac in her dreams. Another bonus is that I don’t have to call her Queen Bee. However, the song bumps.

Feeling fairly comfortable that my children are safe from the evil spell of Beyonce, I turn my attentions to young girls who do not have good parental role models, who may take Beyonce seriously and begin to mimic her songs through slutty behaviors. So let me get this straight. We should fear that young girls will behave like a woman who is married, waited until marriage to have a child, and waited until she had her own successful career before marriage and starting a family, who sings about having freaky sex with her husband?

I would also like to add that your daughter probably doesn’t even know what getting Monica Lewinsky-ed all over her gown by her husband in the back of a limo even means. When you explain it, like I did, her response is probably not going to be “How do I get in on that action?”

Teens aren’t complete idiots, mostly, but not completely. Let’s give them some credit. Beyonce is no more responsible for your daughters’ behavior than Sir- Mix- A-Lot is for my big butt or the Beatles were for the Manson Family crimes. They are, however, responsible for opening up an interesting dialogue with your kids.

In the meantime, since Jay- Z has stated that my breasteses are breakfast, think of the money I’ll save on Cheerios.