An Honest Letter to Moms with Daughters

I have read the letter from Mrs. Hall http://givenbreath.com/ and I have read one of the many responses from a woman named Rebecca http://rebeccahains.wordpress.com/. I have to say, Rebecca, you aren’t even in the ballpark.

Let me break this down for you. I have daughters and a son. I have very candid conversations with my girls about their responsibilities as a female. In a perfect world, these conversations would not be necessary, but let’s get real, ladies, it is most definitely a reality. When my son is old enough, he will understand this as well.

Ladies, whether you like it or not, our daughters ARE responsible for themselves, their behaviors and actions that may result in being sexualized by men. Blaming our “toxic culture” or the media can only go so far. If you are not willing to teach your daughter to have high self-esteem, good self-image and personal responsibility, then you are dealing with a time bomb. This is YOUR responsibility. If you believe that photos of your daughter in her underwear, back arched, standing in her bedroom with a pouty look on her face is a result of media pressure, you really need to wake the f*ck up. YOU are allowing her to contribute to this “toxic culture”. If you feel helpless, take away the phone, for God’s sake. Who is the parent and who is the child?

I believe we are dealing with a “toxic culture” of parents who are so careful not to upset or hurt the feelings of their precious children, many of Generation Y are turning into a bunch of spoiled brats that do not live with consequences for their actions, just parents who are most willing to point fingers at everyone and everything else they can blame.

The sexualization of women has been present since the dawn of time. The same rules apply. Cave boys didn’t bring home cave girls who wore their animal furs too short and tight. Today, boys are not going to bring home girls who twerk online. Whether we like it or not, we are the fairer of the sexes, which will always make us the target of the double standard. So, we teach our daughters not to parade her vagina around in public, kiss other girls for fun or dry hump a foam finger on National Television.

Here is a quote from Rebecca’s article:

Our boys MUST be taught these lessons. They must know that when a girl engages in sexually provocative behavior, her behavior does not give boys a “pass” to dwell exclusively on the girls’ sexuality.

The answer to this is YES it does give them a “pass” to dwell exclusively on the girls’ sexuality. If you put it out there, that’s what you get back.

The famous philosopher (okay, he’s a comedian), Dave Chapelle, once told a great story that I will paraphrase and share with you. He was in a club one evening and several girls walked by in skin tight skirts and tops exposing cleavage that pushed their boobs pretty much up to their chins. When the guys began to make comments about their figures, the men were met with the statement “Just because we’re dressed this way doesn’t mean we’re easy”. So, the next day, Mr. Chapelle went out dressed in a costume that resembled a policeman’s uniform. Soon enough, someone came along yelling “Officer, Officer, I need your help!” His response was “Just because I LOOK like a policeman doesn’t mean I AM a policeman”.

Do we understand each other?

2 thoughts on “An Honest Letter to Moms with Daughters

  1. You’re absolutely right Jess. Many parents don’t want to be tough. But there are many more who really do care but are simply frustrated, or perhaps even clueless. You might say that’s not an excuse, but I consider myself a no-nonsense mama who’s fairly educated, not particularly prudish, and yet I know I don’t have all the answers. What type of dress or body posture conveys femininity, healthy body image, or an overt sexual display? We all have different ideas of where those lines fall so there is a lot of confusion. If we don’t know the answer for ourselves, how can we teach it to our kids? Would love to see less blame shifting and more guidance on the content of the conversation that will help our kids find balance and shared ownership in this thing called sexuality. Good luck everyone!

  2. I read this to my daughter. She and I enjoyed the honesty, straightforwardness and humor. I share in your opinion… We are all responsible for ourselves. Glad to know I’m not alone in that sentiment.

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